Fight Night: Characterizing vs Describing

On the fight card today it’s a head-to-head with…ourselves.

What exactly do I mean? I’m talking about the daily battle between the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ that exists in our minds. I’m not sure if you’ve taken notice but there seems to be a push and pull struggle with how we view and talk about ourselves – which oftentimes isn’t very productive or supportive.

This can manifest in a statement starting with “I am…” This can take the form of ‘I am a bad person’, ‘I am unlovable’, or lastly ‘I am not good enough’. I call this experience Characterizing. It’s stressful enough struggling with the challenges of life, yet alone struggling with the challenges that exist within us.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “character assassination” which is exactly what characterizing does. It wages an onslaught against the person we are and/or striving to become. You are not alone in this battle. I’ve also struggled in the past with characterizing myself. And take it from me, it has been painful process and has even hindered me from growing.

The solution to this? Breaking the pattern of characterizing and moving towards Describing. When we describe our experience, it separates us from the problem. It liberates us from the weight of challenging and hurtful experiences. Describing our experiences also helps to improve our mental and emotional state, as well as our relationships. In place of the “I am” statements we use “I have” statements. ‘I have made mistakes’ versus ‘I am a bad person’. This small adjustment (over time) changes the way we view ourselves. This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but neither did the negative perspective we developed.

I invite you to stop the cycle of characterizing yourself in a negative manner, and start describing your experience. As you consistently do this you will likely begin to notice the anxiety, depression, and stress melt away. And in it’s place a sense of self-compassion and tolerance.

This post was written by Dr. Barek Sharif, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Thrival Therapy. Dr. Barek Sharif specializes in working with men’s and couple’s issues.