The “Black Sheep” Is Right
The problem child. The reject. The one who just doesn’t fit in. We see the phenomenon of black sheep throughout society and countless families. What does this mean?
As a relational therapist I view the black sheep as a reflection of the system (aka the family we come from). The black sheep is right in showing the family system has issues hidden below the surface. It’s like a machine where one part takes on extra stress due to other parts needing maintenance, being worn down, or outright broken.
As the black sheep takes the brunt of the family stress, they begin to show symptoms of this through anxiety, depression, addiction, or a host of other issues. Many times, the family blames this outcast on the family problems. When in fact the black sheep is responding logically to an illogical system.
There are few ways to combat these issues. One of these methods is family therapy, which is a way to begin to correct the entire system. Sadly, this is extremely rare. Many individuals shy away from therapy or assume, “it’s only for crazy people.” This couldn’t be further than the truth but keeps people from enjoying the benefits of therapy.
So, if we can’t “fix” the family, what can the individual do? The other option is through individual therapy – where a person can learn what holds them back from setting healthy boundaries. It can help you take better care of yourself, leading to a healthier life outside of the system. Finally, and maybe most importantly, is to stop blaming yourself and taking on the weight of the family’s issues. Everyone can contribute to the family issues, but you are not the issue – no matter what the family members say.
As a therapist and a human, I am thankful for the black sheep. The ones who rock the boat and the ones who point out the obvious that no one else wants to see. Keep being you, being different is a strength, not a weakness.
This post was written by Brenton Love, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Thrival Therapy. Brenton specializes in working with masculinity, ADHD, and discovering purpose and meaning.
