Understanding why Adult ADHD Feels Different
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition most commonly associated with childhood, but in recent years, there has been a growing awareness of ADHD in adults. Many adults who are diagnosed later in life often feel a mix of relief, frustration, and even grief, wondering how life might have been different if they had been diagnosed earlier. But what makes ADHD in adults so different from ADHD in children? And why does receiving a diagnosis as an adult often feel like an entirely new challenge?
The Evolution of Symptoms
ADHD presents differently in adults compared to children, largely because the symptoms evolve with age. In children, ADHD is often characterized by hyperactivity—excess energy, difficulty sitting still, and impulsive behavior. These are the classic signs that teachers and parents tend to notice in school environments. However, as people age, hyperactivity often diminishes or becomes internalized, while other symptoms such as inattentiveness, disorganization, and emotional dysregulation may become more prominent.
Adults with ADHD may struggle with chronic procrastination, difficulty managing time, or constant distractions. These symptoms can affect their professional lives, relationships, and general well-being. What might have been viewed as “just a phase” or “quirky behavior” in childhood can manifest as chronic underachievement, burnout, and emotional exhaustion in adulthood.
Masking and Coping Strategies
One of the key reasons ADHD in adults often goes undiagnosed is due to masking. Adults develop coping mechanisms over time to manage their symptoms. These might include relying heavily on reminders, constantly seeking external accountability, or using caffeine to boost focus. Many adults with ADHD have become experts at compensating for their difficulties, but at a high personal cost. These coping strategies, while effective to some extent, can create a sense of “something isn’t quite right.” Adults may feel like they’re constantly working harder than others to achieve the same results, which can lead to anxiety, depression, or even feelings of failure. Without a diagnosis, they may not realize that their struggles are rooted in ADHD, leading them to attribute their challenges to laziness or lack of willpower.
Life’s Increasing Demands
Adult life brings with it increasing demands that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. As children, individuals with ADHD might have received structured support in school or from their parents. But adulthood often lacks that same level of external structure. With responsibilities like managing a household, maintaining relationships, and succeeding in a career, the unstructured nature of adult life can become overwhelming. Additionally, adults are expected to have mastered basic organizational skills, time management, and impulse control. Struggling with these skills due to undiagnosed ADHD can lead to a sense of failure, shame, and isolation. The stakes in adulthood—financial stability, long-term relationships, career success—are also higher, making it more challenging to navigate ADHD without help.
The Path Forward: Treatment and Support
The good news is that an ADHD diagnosis at any stage of life can be life-changing in a positive way. With proper treatment, including therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes, adults with ADHD can learn how to manage their symptoms and build a fulfilling life. I believe this journey starts with understanding symptoms, building awareness around challenges and normalizing those symptoms by learning from others’ with an ADHD diagnosis. Gaining affirmation from others who struggle in similar ways can be extremely validating. Often an ADHD diagnosis can feel overwhelming and isolating. There are endless amounts of resources and support for adults diagnosed with ADHD.
We can work together on this journey in therapy by addressing behavioral concerns associated with ADHD through CBT and DBT . As well as goal setting and prioritizing needs which can create more balance in one’s life. You are not alone! Looking forward to helping you on this journey. Understanding ADHD as an adult may come with its challenges, but it can also open the door to self-compassion, self-advocacy, and a renewed sense of control over one’s life.
This post was written by Jacquelyn Gurrieri, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Thrival Therapy. Jacquelyn specializes in working with body image issues, gender affirming care, and life transitions.
